I’m sad. How are you?

We’re approaching the one year anniversary of when our world literally turned upside down.  I’ll be honest, I’m sad.  How are you doing?

Many folks are doing just fine

I think it’s important to acknowledge that many people are doing just fine.  Some of you know people whose lives have not been greatly impacted by the pandemic.  My family of origin, for instance, falls in this group. Not much has changed for them. They do know people that have died from COVID-19, but it strangely does not seem to have much of an impact on their views of the virus. Neither my parents nor my sister have faced a loss in income. As a matter of fact, my dad’s business is booming right now. Truthfully, aside from missed graduations, mostly they have just had to deal with the nuisance of mask wearing while shopping. From conversations with them, it honestly seems like they’re just sick of hearing about it.  And I totally get that. Very little in their day to day lives has been affected by the virus, so it makes total sense to me that they’re losing patience and tired of the reminders that there is a world wide pandemic going on.

I’m sincerely glad that my parents and sister haven’t been too terribly influenced by all of this.  I’m especially glad that their livelihoods haven’t. We have friends whose small family businesses are thriving right now and I truly couldn’t be happier for them.  There’s always beauty in a storm.  And we don’t all get to partake in that.

But many folks are still struggling and hanging on by a string.

There is absolutely no denying that so much of the childcare has been dumped on the women in our society. Honestly, I don’t know how the moms haven’t collectively just packed their bags and bought a deserted island somewhere together.  I’m totally stressed and overwhelmed and I don’t have children.  I cannot imagine how emotionally wrecked they are.

Some people have lost wages or jobs completely and there seems to be no end in site.  And that’s where the little nest sits today. While we wait for the return of festivals, we’ve been trying to up our online sales and participate in markets (Georgia is only allowing gatherings of 50 people or less). Thankfully for us people were proud of turning Georgia blue.  That paid two month’s of mortgage.  A grumpy Bernie in mittens paid our electricity bill in January.  And a lawyer that turned himself into a cat on Zoom kept food on our table this month.

I’m super thankful for all of those things.  But I live in constant stress and fear.  What can I make next that will inspire people to buy?  What happens if we don’t see regular festivals again until the Fall or worse yet, April 2022? Everyday feels like more and more of a challenge to get out of bed.  Sometimes I just sit at my sewing machine.  Literally just sit there.  I don’t know if I’m exhausted from the stress, paralyzed in fear, or just fucking depressed.  But I’m guessing it’s a combination of all of the above.

Raise your hand if you just want your pre-pandemic life back?

I don’t seriously want my pre-pandemic life back. But like my family, I too am ready for this to be over.  It’s probably safe to assume we all are. I wish I knew the end date.  I feel like I could get my mind right if I just knew how long it’d be until we’re past this.  Living with the unknown is hard, y’all.  I don’t know how much longer I can do this.  And yet everyday I get up because I have to keep moving.

I know I’m not alone in these feelings.  While on some sadistic level that’s comforting, it’s also depressing.  I don’t wish this on anyone.  I long for the day when we can look back on this and say “I survived that.”   For now I’m gonna go back to the sewing machine, sit, and try to think of the next thing I can make (I’m open to suggestions),

Please take good care,

~jen